No Trivia

Archive for the ‘dreams’ Category

leave a comment

Lil Wayne’s Latest Single: ‘I Just Shit My Pants’

Two nights ago, I had this dream. My friend John was driving, I was in the passenger seat, and we were going like 120 down these windy country roads. It was a lot like those night-driving scenes in ‘A Clockwork Orange’, this kind of theatrical over-the-top lighting and just a generally unreal look. John is driving really fast, like he’s totally out of control but I feel like I can’t tell him to slow-down because I’ll sound like a bitch so I just sort of nervously hold-on and at the same time, begin to feel this huge deuce comin’ on. I mention to John how I have to take a shit and just at that moment, he veers off the road, crashing into an electric fence that contains cattle. At the moment of impact, I shit, but its not really shitting, it’s just this huge turd that falls out and ends up on the seat. It’s cylindrical, shaped like a a just-purchased Taylor’s Pork Roll and looks like it’s made of playdoh. Embarassed because I just fucking shit myself (!), I cradle the turd like a baby and run out of the car, telling John on my way out, “I’m looking for a bathroom!”

The next part is just me running through the woods, cradling the turd, which seemed really clean but is slowly smearing-off on my hands…I can’t see more than a few feet ahead of me and the whole thing is in my P.O.V as if there’s a camera strapped to my head. Then, it changes, going back to a more objective view; I’m racing through a Wal-Mart, turd in-hand and blasting on the radio is this Lil Wayne song called ‘I Just Shit My Pants’. I hear it and I’m like “Oh, this must be the new Wayne song I read about on FADER…” and I begin analyzing it as in real-life but after a few moments my thoughts shift to “What? Why is this song playing?! He’s singing about shitting his pants and I JUST SHIT MY PANTS!” I get really confused and I become convinced that I am in the video for Lil Wayne’s newest single ‘I Just Shit My Pants’ which by the way, is a ‘Dough Is What I Got’-esque freestyle, same energy level, same passion, only he’s rapping over Diddy’s ‘We Gon’ Make It’, the song off of ‘Press Play’ that also samples ‘Shaft In Africa’…totally confused, not sure if I’m in a music video or not, shit on my hands, turd in-hand, everyone looking at me, I find the bathroom and wake up just as I’m washing them under the sink…

Part of an infrequent but ongoing series wherein I describe my dreams involving rappers. The first one was this dream about a Jay-Z concert…

Written by Brandon

June 15th, 2007 at 6:04 am

Posted in Lil Wayne, dreams

leave a comment

The Worst Jay-Z Concert Ever

I had this dream the other night and in it, I attended this Jay-Z concert but it was in this crappy church basement, with wood-paneling and yellowed tiles and dark, brown folding chairs in rows and flickering fluorescent lights. I am in the front row with four of my friends, looking at the rather spare “stage” and by stage, I just mean an area where the 10 or so rows of fold-out chairs aren’t lined up, leaving an empty space for a performer. This space is occupied by a table for a DJ and in front of the DJ, a little television, like 20 inches, on a stand on wheels; the kind your Science teacher would wheel-in when you got to watch an episode of ‘Bill Nye’. On the television is a blank power-point template, with a light sky-and-clouds background and a blinking cursor. When the show begins, Jay comes out in a ‘Reasonable Doubt’ style suit and the lyrics he raps pop-up on the television like a power point. Each line appears and then the next line appears below it and every four lines, the lyrics disappear for the next four lines. My friends and most of the other people at the show look at one another like “this is really terrible, right?” but for some reason I’m totally entranced, as if the show is at Madison Square Garden.

The whole show is so low-rent and everybody knows it, including Jay-z. He just raps over instrumentals supplied by a DJ, as his lyrics pop up on a shitty power-point. Late in the performance, Jay stops and speaks to the crowd telling them he is going to reveal a new song and proceeds to perform a ’99 Problems’-esque song, ’99 Problems’-esque in the sense that it was this “heavy rocker” with sampled guitars, but the guitars were not from Billy Squier but from the most obnoxious Marilyn Manson song, so it has this really bad tone and generally embarrassing nu-metal feel. As the song begins, the television screen switches from power-point lyrics to this cartoony image of Morbius from Spiderman, done in this cheap animation style, literally this image. The Morbius cartoon is shown in close-up on the screen and his mouth opens and he’s supposed to be cackling, but the animation style is like, really choppy, like when you’re robotripping or something, so the mouth just sort of hangs open bearing sharp teeth and the entire upper-body and head of the cartoon just kind of move up and down. Then, Jay begins rapping over the nu-metal guitars and the walls open up, as if they were made to break open and this like, fake-looking futuristic machinery moves in and out of the breakaway walls and the lights start flickering…imagine ‘Judge Dredd’ as a broadway musical. So now, Jay is rapping over nu-metal, the walls are opening up and going futuristic and there’s a weird loop of a vampire cartoon on the television and this goes on for a few minutes and then the song goes into this extended breakdown, like classic Iron Maiden and the lights dim and Jay steps back, nodding to the breakdown while the doors to the church basement open and this guy dressed as Nosferatu walks in. The Nosferatu costume is ridiculously well-done, like Hollywood horror movie quality and it has like chains and spikes and shit like some stupid Clive Barker design and Nosferatu walks around the audience to scare them I guess, but no one really knows how to respond and after about two minutes, Nosferatu exits the room and the beat drops again and Jay finishes the song. Then, the lights come back on and the wall closes up and Jay ends the show with ‘Can’t Knock the Hustle’ but for some reason, the bassline from ‘Ain’t No Nigga’ is poorly inserted into the song.

The final part of the dream is my friends and I, driving home with everyone just sort of like “what the fuck was that?” but I’m in denial about it and this leads to legitimately heated arguments with my friends about why it wasn’t a bad show but inside, I know everything I’m saying is just bullshit…so yeah, explain that one. Any internet Freuds can step forward…I think it’s about how I want to bang my mom.

Written by Brandon

March 16th, 2007 at 7:00 am